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What have I been doing with my life?
After looking back at 11 years of Catboy at the Con and other artwork I just remember what my father said to me the first time I showed him my drawings as a kid.
"You will never get anywhere with those."
And you know what? He was right. I am still that loser kid that is thinking that in just a short 5 years I will be working for some big company... or have my own tv show... or something stupid like that.
I don't know what to do anymore. I love my characters... but I don't think that I can stand myself anymore.
What is wrong with me?
Am I just some fucking loser?
Am I lying to myself when I think... yep tomorrow will be great? or better? or good? or whatever?
Am I lying to myself when I think I deserve that next breath of air?
Am I lying to myself when I think maybe I should just give it all up?
I don't know.
But I hate liars.
After looking back at 11 years of Catboy at the Con and other artwork I just remember what my father said to me the first time I showed him my drawings as a kid.
"You will never get anywhere with those."
And you know what? He was right. I am still that loser kid that is thinking that in just a short 5 years I will be working for some big company... or have my own tv show... or something stupid like that.
I don't know what to do anymore. I love my characters... but I don't think that I can stand myself anymore.
What is wrong with me?
Am I just some fucking loser?
Am I lying to myself when I think... yep tomorrow will be great? or better? or good? or whatever?
Am I lying to myself when I think I deserve that next breath of air?
Am I lying to myself when I think maybe I should just give it all up?
I don't know.
But I hate liars.
Depression
You ever feel like you shouldn't be.
I don't want to die... but I think it was a mistake that I was created.
I've had it.
Woke up to an overturned trash can this morning. Not the first time this has happened and I know who the culprit is. I have talked to them several times and yet they treat their shit like no issue. They have destroyed property here, they have filled the alleyway with junk ( junk cars and garbage), they have made the whole neighborhood unsafe.
I won't park in our rear parking lot because those bastards will probably just smash into my car and drive away like it was no big deal.
I'm tired of this.
As soon as we can I am gonna move my wife and I to a better neighborhood. So we can leave those MF's to live in their crackhouse!
depression
Recently I have been dealing with some major depression and don't know what the future holds for the comic. Last weekend I was feeling good and thought I would get some comics done. My drawing expecting made me feel happy. However due to some people u have been thinking maybe I should just call it quits. Should I continue the comic or just hang up my pencil?
Drama
I am sorry about no comic this week. I have had lots of drama hit recently. One my grandfather had a major seizure. Before the seizure he had a fall and when I last saw him before the fall he didn't know who I was but at least i could see in his eyes that he knew that I was his grandson. After the fall he told me to leave... to go home. I looked into his eyes and did not see that he understood that I was who I was... and it broke me a bit. Now he is in a nursing home... and doesn't know who anyone is. He is cursing at my family in German and saying that we are people that are stealing his car... And this has further broken me. My gra
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Comments7
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Same story, pal, but you know what, you are amazing!!!
First question: Are you came closer any time in the past to a company on the media (comics publishers, editorial publisher, animation studio)?
Maybe you had not do enought to let us know more of your work, I mean, in a massive scale.
Obviously you have the passion, I know it, I already always your works, and that's the feeling of many of us here on DA that admires you.
So please, don´t be so cruel with yourself, just try to do something else by share your art with others, that's gonna be hard, you know that part, but this is what you really want, fight for it!!!
You gonna do an amazing work, just keep it up, sometimes we are in the worst mood or just have a terrible time, but just each one have the potential to do the best with our lives, and you, SIR, you are not that loser, and you know it!!!
Believe me, you have the right skills to do some great stuff with all taht you already done.
I trust in you.
Hs.
First question: Are you came closer any time in the past to a company on the media (comics publishers, editorial publisher, animation studio)?
Maybe you had not do enought to let us know more of your work, I mean, in a massive scale.
Obviously you have the passion, I know it, I already always your works, and that's the feeling of many of us here on DA that admires you.
So please, don´t be so cruel with yourself, just try to do something else by share your art with others, that's gonna be hard, you know that part, but this is what you really want, fight for it!!!
You gonna do an amazing work, just keep it up, sometimes we are in the worst mood or just have a terrible time, but just each one have the potential to do the best with our lives, and you, SIR, you are not that loser, and you know it!!!
Believe me, you have the right skills to do some great stuff with all taht you already done.
I trust in you.
Hs.